The Page of Steveisms
(formerly the Book of Steveisms)

"Steve-isms"
"Nip it in the butt."
"You should call them Q-isms"
"What's an 'ism'?"


Java:

"Son of a bitch doesn't work"
"I even completely renamed the folder that it's in so it couldn't be loaded."
"Slow."
"Gives you errors."


Book:

"Oh, you can write a book, I gave you permission"
"Do I get a credit in this book?"
"Are you going to publish the book?"
"It'll be the Year 3000 before you're done with the book"
"I don't recall saying any of this. Probably said it. Probably was accurate, too. Was it?"
"[Someone] wants to write an autobiography about me."


Misc:
"Gettin' a stiffy"
"I think I'm turning Japanese, I think so, I think so!"
"Half past a monkey's ass, a quarter to his balls."
"Anything else you'd like to know?"
"I'm looking for something..."
[jokingly] "I'm not sure I understand digital video. Do you think you could explain it to me?"
[net sites] "Aw, just suck the whole thing."
"That failed like a sore thumb"
"Bill [Gates] should go blow himself up the ass."
"Don't always count your chickens quickly."
"The National Enquirer had an article -- no WAIT! This is REAL!"
"I don't actually want to go out, I want to get work done"
"I'm becoming more motivated"
"Double-U Tee Eff - What The Fuck"
"Anything new with you?"
"Is there a program you can get that sends back a cookie that says 'Fuck off'?"
"Just because it's winter doesn't mean every day is fucked"
"That's kumquatical"
"Oh, I can do what I want."
"...a jar of mayonnaise to parse up..."
"No, I'm not going to put on an orgy."
"They don't know shit from their asshole."
"I like to keep a close lid on it."
"I wouldn't touch that with a ten-foot bean pole."
"He thought that she would get a hard-on for that..."
"It's a no win-win situation."
"I take it like a grain of salt."
"Parse FOAD [Fuck Off And Die] to a factorial of a trillion."
"Fuck Dell. Actually, Dell can go fuck themselves."
"That's not frightening, it's scary."
"Well, I guess I should go outside, it seems to be bitch-ass nice out."
"The mentality of these people is too unreal to be true!"
"It's like trying to teach a dead horse."
"I don't know what the fuck I just said!"
"Oh, I'll get tail. I'll work on it this week!"
"It was more than I could bargain for."
"Steve [Monkeyboy] Ballmer is an insult to the marsupial family!"
"Do me a favor and erase that from your memory permanently."
"I kick ass."
"Fuck everyone. Four months later and they still can't touch the PowerBook."
"So I took the PowerBook to bed last night...."
"You could get a boxed set of hookers for that price!"
"Maybe you should get a *whole* haircut."
"That would be proof of the pudding."
"Phobias are basically fear."
"You do other things while you're not doing ... things."
"Yeah, we might be a victim of our own death."
"We're in another galaxy far removed from this one."
"You'll be busier than a beaver in beehive."
"It made out with a large magnet -- had sex with a large magnet."
"So I've been figuring that Asians are pretty hot."
"I don't know how thick they are.  They aren't that thick.  They're pretty thick."
"If you don't run in the Olympics and you do win a gold medal, then you're not retarded."
"We know you're bipolar, meaning you have two different personalities."
"Scammers are a dime a minute these days."
"I know someone who always has a woody. Woody Harrelson."
"Beggars can be choosy."
"Fuck millimeters. Down to the nano-inch."
"I've been pulling my hair out for hours. I'm bald now."
"They're even more idiots!"
"It's half of one and six dozen of another."
"There's a time and a place for everything, and no time and no place for some things."
"I should see what prophylactics are available."
"You'll have a FUBAR."


People:
"People are so gullible!"
"People are so stupid!"
"I'm not the one who's gullible"
"People age."


Windows 95:
Irreliable - I could be printing fine and thirty seconds later it won't work
Unsecure
Slow
Resource LEAKage
It's like a joke
It has a problem
This applies to all versions of Windows not just 95


Problems:

"You should call it the WTF section"


Novell:

"I can't really understand how they got so many useless saps to buy such useless shit!"


During the movie "Swordfish" (day it was released):
"He has to think with both heads"